We are unwilling to feel uncomfortable emotions.
We would rather experience the numb pain of saying to ourselves “what you want isn’t really that important, this person’s feelings or desires matter so much more than yours, maybe next time” even though we know that “next time” will be no different...
...We would rather put ourselves through THAT than put ourselves through the self-inflicted feelings of guilt or shame that would come from deciding that what we want DOES matter, even if someone else wants something incongruous with that.
What I work on with my clients is eliminating the thoughts and beliefs that create those guilt & shame spirals in the first place, but until then I want you to practice choosing to feel the guilt and shame OVER choosing to leave yourself out in the cold.
What does it look like for YOU when you self-neglect? And what might it look like for you to choose differently? Are you willing to feel discomfort in order to start living your life for YOU & not for others?