Codependency

Cheat Sheet

Exhausted in your relationships

Welcome to the

If you're feeling:

Lost, stuck, or frustrated in your life

Ready to learn how to say no, set boundaries, & take back your personal power

Then you're in the right place.

Your codependency has been the source of your pain up until this point.

This Cheat Sheet is the antidote.

After you finish going through this Codependency Cheat Sheet, you’ll have answers to questions that you've never even known to ask.

I’ll help you find clarity, understanding, and compassion around behavior that you’ve been ashamed of & exhausted by for years.

This is the beginning of your path to freedom, healthy relationships, and happiness within.

Take a breath. You're exactly where you're meant to be.

Below you'll find:

1. Codependency Self-Assessment

To help you answer the question

"am I codependent??" 

2. Three essential steps to implement TODAY

Practical, actionable steps to help you stop people-pleasing, set healthy boundaries, & fall in love with yourself & your life.

3. Key reminders to keep you on track

Codependency can make you feel crazy, but these gems will help you feel validated, proud of yourself, and motivated to keep going.

Now let's get started.

CODEPENDENCY SELF-ASSESSMENT:

Keep a tally: if you identify with 7 or more of the habits listed below,

there's a good chance you're codependent:

You've got this! 

This is a long list, but don't get overwhelmed, okay? 

By finishing this Cheat Sheet & listening to the

 

I'll demystify codependency for you so that you can be

EMPOWERED by this information rather than intimidated by it.

 

  •  You can't say no.

  • You feel guilty for things that aren’t your fault.

  • You keep finding yourself in relationships where you're giving more than you're getting.

  • You wonder how to have healthy relationships.

  • You feel immense relief when you realize someone isn’t mad at you.

  • You feel jealous in your relationships.

  • You keep score in your relationships.

  • You often wish people would care as much about you as you care about them.

  • You can’t move on from a betrayal.

  • You put your needs last.

  • You prioritize everyone else above yourself.

  • You cannot accept a compliment.

  • You struggle to think positively about yourself.

  • You have low self esteem.

You're doing great!

  • You want to control others and you feel helpless when this doesn’t work out

  • You don't state your wants or needs but you silently wish others would guess them and comply with them.

  • You over-apologize. 

  • You put someone or something on a pedestal and you see them as the answer to your problems or pain.

  • You blame others for your emotions/circumstances

  • You resent others for being happy or for not mirroring your behavior & feelings

  • You never feel good enough, no matter what.

  • You struggle to feel a sense of self worth and purpose outside of what you do for others.

  • You need to be needed & wanted by others.

  • You feel extreme insecurity

  • You have disordered eating patterns (or drinking or shopping, etc.) to replace the sense of control that you want to have over your life or other people.

  • You assume responsibility for things that are not your responsibility

  • You wish other people would take responsibility for things in your life that are YOUR responsibility.

  • You feel exhaustion about your life and relationships.

Keep going!

  • You are shocked when people aren’t angry with you.

  • You wish someone would take care of you so that you don’t have to

  • You feel helpless and hopeless.

  • You have goals, dreams, and desires that you don’t talk about because you don’t actually think you deserve to have them.

  • You downplay things that matter to you.

  • You take things really personally.

  • You’re defensive and get offended really easily.

  • You consider yourself to be an empath.

You're almost there!

  • You will do anything to take care of someone even if they can take care of themselves.

  • You can’t make a decision without consulting at least one other person.

  • You ruminate, obsess, overthink, and overanalyze...and you wonder how other people can just live life so casually and carefree.

  • You anticipate peoples’ needs and try to meet them when this was not expected or required.

  • You have a fear of making decisions.

  • You consider other people before yourself in most actions you take.

  • You need approval or permission from others in order to take action or feel a certain way.

  • You feel extremely jealous when a friend or partner spends time with other people

Congrats!

You made it. So, how many did you tally?

Feeling a little overwhelmed realizing just how much of your life is affected by codependency?

Like we talked about earlier, just remind yourself that you're in the right place.

You're getting the information, support, and next steps you need so that this can be an empowering experience rather than a discouraging one.

Your most painful moments of codependency are behind you & that's worth celebrating!

Your 3 simple steps are waiting for you below.

Shining a light on your codependent habits can be scary, but with this knowledge comes relief.

It’s not a mystery why you’re insecure, indecisive, super hard on yourself, anxious around others and in your relationships--and I’m here to help you understand why & how to heal so you can live a vibrant, happy, liberated life.

If you want to feel a little less lost,

And then take action with the 3 simple steps below.

3 Essential Steps:

Here are 3 things you can do today, right now, to reclaim your personal power and start to heal your codependency:

1. Give yourself whatever you need: Codependency has a way of making us feel like we need other people to make us happy...but that's never true.

 

So what is it that you think you need from others in order to feel okay?

Is it validation?

Appreciation?

Forgiveness?

Kindness?

Love?

Safety?

Whatever you feel like you NEED from another person, ask yourself to come up with a couple different ways that you can fill that need yourself.

 

Feel the freedom and power that come with knowing that you can give yourself everything you want and need.

2. Set a healthy boundary:  

 

Codependency makes us feel like our time, attention, energy, money, body, & emotions belong to someone else--not to ourselves.

 

When you're deep in codependency it can feel so scary to imagine saying "no" to someone.

Your brain says "how dare you??" and then you choose self neglect over the discomfort that comes with prioritizing yourself.

Today, give yourself permission to say "no" when it feels right.

 

It's not going to feel good or easy, but saying "no" when you want to say "no" will definitely feel right.

 

This is your first step towards taking back ownership of your entire life--boundaries are your new best friend!

3. Speak your truth--to yourself or someone else: 

 

When you're healing your codependency, you get to remind your brain that you don't need to hide your true self in order to be liked and accepted by others.

 

When you're honest with yourself and other people about what you like, what you don't like, and who you really are, you find your people.

And yes, it's scary to start being the real you for the first time, but the discomfort of that fear is a small price to pay for the breathtaking feeling of being seen and loved for who you REALLY are!

Give it a try.

 

What's one way today that you can be a tiny bit more you?

 

Get creative, have fun, & go back to #1 to give yourself all the validation and love that you need.

Remember: everything you need is already within you.

Key Reminders 

to keep you on track

How to use this powerful tool: 

  1. you can use these reminders as daily meditation mantras/affirmations in the morning and evening,

  2. you can write the ones that resonate the most with you on sticky notes that you place around your home, 

  3. you can screenshot this list and use it as a background on your phone, 

  4. You can use these as inspiration for journaling prompts for moments of reflection, 

  5. get creative--trust that you will know how and when it most serves you to engage with these affirmations. 

  • I am responsible for me, you are responsible for you.

  • My boundaries are to benefit me, not to punish or control others.

  • I am willing to release my need to control other people & their emotions.

  • I am infinitely worthy, & nothing will ever change that.

  • My value does not depend on the role I play in other peoples' lives.

  • I can choose in any moment to treat myself with unconditional love, acceptance, and compassion.

  • I give myself permission to say "no" to things that do not serve me.

  • I forgive myself for all the times I said "no" to myself because I wanted to say "yes" to someone else.

  • The only person's approval I care about is my own.

  • Despite what I may have been taught about love, it does not look like control, manipulation, people-pleasing, and self-abandonment.

  • I am willing to step into a new way of being that feels more true.

  • I know that I don't have to hide who I am in order to earn love and approval. 

  • I no longer allow guilt and shame into my relationship with myself or others.

  • Any approval that comes from me lying and playing a role is approval that I do not want.

  • I forgive myself for all the times I believed the lie that I wasn't good enough just as I am.

  • I choose to step out of blaming myself or others. I know that forgiveness is a gift I can choose to give myself whenever I am ready.

  • I'm not in a hurry & I trust my timing.

  • I listen to my intuition even when doing so feels scary.

  • I trust myself, I forgive myself, I love myself.

Well, my love, you did it.

You just showed up for yourself despite that little codependent voice inside that's telling you that your happiness and your healing are not that important. That is amazing!

Take a moment now to show some gratitude to yourself. 

This work can be difficult, but you're doing great!


The most important part now is to

keep going.

 Healing your codependency is a process and you deserve to really commit to the process of  healing. 

 

So what's next? 

If you want more support around taking practical steps to become your most powerful, liberated self,

keep an eye on your inbox. 

Over the next few days, I'll be sending you tons of helpful tips & tools to understand & heal your codependency, including info about how to get personalized, expert guidance from me.

Talk to you soon.

~Sophie

© 2021 by Sophie Shiloh

Created by @Shirarosendesignstudio